极品笑话网

圣诞树
Christmas tree

查理每年都向他老爸吵着要圣诞树，他老爸总是说太贵了，不想买。
Every year, Charlie has a row with his father about the Christmas tree, his father always said too expensive, do not want to buy.
今年圣诞节又到了，查理的老爸实在被他吵得头疼，于是提起斧子出了门。过了一刻钟，老爸扛着一棵大个的圣诞树回来了。查理高兴地大叫起来，“老爸，你真了不起，才花一刻钟就砍了这么大的一棵树回来！ ”
This Christmas again, Charlie's father was he really noisy, so he lifted the door. After a quarter of an hour, my father came back with a large tree.. Charlie shouted with joy. "Dad, you are amazing, just spend a quarter of a tree back and cut so large a tree back!"
老爸拍拍他的后脑勺说，“傻小子，砍树哪有那么快，我是从集市上带回来的。”
Dad patted his head and said, "silly boy, felling which is so fast, I was brought back from the market."
查理问：“你不是嫌贵不想买的吗？”
Charlie asked: "don't you think you don't want to buy?"
老爸说：“没看我带了斧子吗？”
Dad said: "did not see me with an ax?"

魔豆
The Beanstalk

某日，杰克捡到了三颗魔豆，于是高高兴兴的回家跟爸爸说：“爸！你看，我捡到了三颗魔豆！ ”
One day, Jack picked up three beans, so happily home with the father said: "dad! You see, I picked up three beans!"
杰克的老爸就顺手拿起一颗魔豆在手上瞧啊瞧的，可是看来看去，觉得跟普通碗豆长得一模一样，就以为杰克在骗他。于是，很生气的拿起那颗碗豆往地上用力一摔，骂了声：“FUCKYOU！ ”
Jack's dad picked up a beans in the hand look ah look, but it looked, feel looks exactly the same with the ordinary peas, thought Jack was cheating him. So, very angry, picked up the heart of peas to the ground fall forcibly, scold a voice: "FUCKYOU!"
没想到碰的一声，满屋子长满了。。。
The room was full without the thought of touching it....
杰克他老爸吓到了，马上拿起第二颗魔豆往地上丢，并且叫：“通通不见！！ ”
His father Jack was frightened, immediately picked up the second beans to drop, and asked: "but not all!!"
于是“碰”的一声，都不见了，可是好象连杰克跟他爸的也不见了。
So "touch" a sound, but did not see, but as if even Jack and his father was ne.
这时杰克的老爸更急了，拿起第三颗魔豆往地上丢，叫了声：“一人一支！ ”
When Jack's father is more anxious, picked up third beans to the ground lost, cried: "one person, one!"
“碰”的一声，杰克跟他爸的都回来了。正当他们在庆幸的时候，厨房中传来了杰克妈妈的惊叫声。。。
"Touch", Jack and his dad are back. Just as they were in that time, the kitchen came Jack's mother's screams...

妈妈总是知道
Mother always knows

约翰邀请妈妈来吃晚饭，饭桌上，妈妈一再注意到与约翰同住的女室友朱莉非常漂亮，而且觉得二人的眼神交流也非同寻常，她十分怀疑二人的关系是否真地仅限于室友。约翰发现了妈妈的想法，于是主动跟妈妈挑明，“我知道你在想什么喔，不过我可以想你保证，朱莉和我是纯纯粹粹的室友，绝对没别的。”
John asked her mother to eat dinner, dinner, mother again and again to notice and John live female roommate Julie is very beautiful, and I think two people of eye contact is also unusual, she was suspicious of the relationship between two people is really only a roommate. John found mom's idea, so active mother tiaoming. "I know you think Oh, but I can assure you, Julie and I are pure and simple roommate, absolutely nothing else."
一周后，朱莉跑来跟约翰说：“自打你妈妈来吃过晚饭后，我就一直找不到我那把银质的餐勺。你觉得会不会是她拿走了？”
A week later, Julie ran to John and said: "since your mother to eat dinner, I've been unable to me the silver spoon. Do you think she would take it away? "
约翰说：“不知道呀，不过，别担心，让我来处理这件事吧。”
John said: "do not know, but, don't worry, let me deal with this matter."
所以他给妈妈写了下面这封信：
So he wrote the letter to his mother.:
亲爱的妈妈，我不会说您从我这里‘拿’了一把银质餐勺，我也不会说您‘没拿’一把银质餐勺。不过有一件事大家都注意到了，那就是自从您在这边吃了晚饭后，有一样东西不见了。
Dear mom, I'm not say you from here, I 'take' a silver spoon, I wouldn't say you 'no take' a silver spoon. But one thing that everyone noticed is that when you eat dinner here, there is something missing..

爱你的，约翰
Love you, John

几天后，妈妈的回信来了：
A few days later, mother's reply came:
亲爱的儿子，我不会说你和朱莉‘睡’在一块儿，我也不会说你和朱莉‘没睡’在一块儿。不过有一件事大家都注意到了，那就是如果她的确是睡在自己床上的话，她早就会发现那把银质餐勺了。
Dear son, I won't say you sleep with Julie, and I won't say you're sleeping with Julie.. But there is one thing we have noticed, and that is if she is really to sleep in my own bed, she would have found the silver spoon.
爱你的，妈妈
I love you, mom.

《》为兴趣而生！幽默

准备手电
Prepare a flashlight

儿子入睡前，对妈妈说：“妈妈，把手电筒给我。”
Son before ing to bed, the mother said: Mom, give me the flashlight."
“睡觉玩手电干啥？”
"To play flashlight doing?"
“不是玩，我做梦走黑路，看不见。”
"Not playing, I went black, see."

给上帝画像
Portrait of d

5岁的哈利趴在一张纸上，正专心致志地用铅笔在上面画着什么。
5 years old Harry lying on a piece of paper, is dedicated to use a pencil on what is painted above.
“你画什么呢？哈利。”妈妈问他。
What do you draw? Harry." Mother asked him.
“我在给上帝画像。”他连头都没抬，回答说。
"I'm painting d.." He's not even carrying his head, and he replied.
“可是谁也不知道上帝到底是个什么模样呀？”妈妈又说。
"But no one knows what d is like?" Mother added.
“我一画出来，大家不就知道了嘛。”
"I draw it out, you don't know.."

这是不是真的
This is not true

小男孩把一只鸟鸦捉到家里。
The little boy put a bird crow catching home.
“你捉它干什么？”坐在桌旁的妈妈问。
"What do you capture?" The mother asked at the table..
“科学家说，乌鸦能活300年，我要验证一下这是不是真的。
"The scientists say that the crow can live for 300 years and I want to verify that this is not true.
“真有意思，你想活300岁吗？”
"What a mean, do you want to live 300 years?"
“那位说这话的科学家就活了300岁？”
"The scientist who said this was 300 years old?"